until i do

Its something i do not want to regret when i walk down memory lane.

There are things i wont risk trying, call me a coward, i dont care. Cos you will.

Its not me, its just something i stand by,

If only i could do whatever i like, 

i sensed someone walking into the room, alone and tired. It was a long and tiring day, i didnt look up and say hi, I guess it was not the best time. the fear of approach versus the sight from afar. That night, I went back, yet another undefeated battle. I knew things will remain as it is, as long as i don't budge. To me, time will reveal.

Am i bad at taking hints or am i living in denial? I know this is impossible, as far as my finite mind tells me, and my principles remind me. But, why this? why am i caught in this situation? Where turning back is not the key, neither is stopping here. I thought life has brought me this far, and i am not totally clueless. But this suspense is getting me thinking, about what was I really thinking.

Ok, I think i am being overly concern over this. But this unpredictability is making me nervous, even at the slightest move. What if things aren't as simple? Will i be able to look at you the way i do now, in say 2 years down the road?

Sharks, I hate you already. See, I told you i can't do this. If only things never even started.

Welcome to my troubled thoughts, and corrupted mind.

The day i die.

Good Charlotte wrote "The day I die", they quoted, it was the best day of my life.

Lifehouse wrote about a friend dying, "From where you are"

I think i wanna ramble about losing a loved one,

from earth.

It's a taboo,

It triggers the cornea tap,

It makes emotions fly all around the place.

The lost of a dear friend, anyone dear,

It's painful, it eats you inside out.

It makes you cry your eyes dry,

It makes you so tired from weeping,

It makes you wonder, 

why me?

why am i left behind,

I promised a friend i will not cry at her funeral,

'cos she swear she will come back (to life) to force tears out of my glands,

if only, yeah right.

The departure of someone close,

to see them in a coffin,

to see them motionless,

to stare so hard,

hoping that you will be the one screaming,

I SWEAR I SAW HIM/HER MOVE,

He/She is not dead,

And the mourning and the crying,

it makes me so weak,

it makes me drenched, with my own tears,

But, i guess knowing DEATH is temporary helps,

We know and believe that,

they are now residents of a better place,

if only they could leave a number for us to call,

the answering machine will go,

          Heavenlo, (instead of HELLo,)

          God's residence, can i help you?

Life on earth is temporary,

There's more to life than life on earth,

oh, yeah. eternity.

Where do you want to spend your eternal life?

Hey, come let me hold the door for you,

This is teast,

Letting go of something of high significance,

Knowing that doing that "something" do cause something, say a mini storm,

but my cup is my world.

Doing it, knowing hurt follows suit,

Saying it, knowing humiliation will be felt,

Not doing it, knowing patience is not bottomless 

Not saying it, knowing the buffering time will soon hit rock bottom.

I thought of the concept of FREEWILL,

I choose, therefore, i can.

I can, therefore i choose.

It just struck me that God gives us freewill,

He loves us and we know it,

but there's this element of freewill,

That's why we are who we are, despite the mercy.

Only the sick needs the doctor,

but everyone gets sick, at least that's how anatomically weak humans are.

Its a matter of time; when, the process;how, the reason; why, and who; how true are you to yourself.

We may get sick, and refuse to go to the doctor's 

We may go to the doctor even if we are not,

The number of combinations and probabilities,

its defined, definite. 

It is a subset of His infinite wisdom,

Thus, His grace.

Define God --> Define time, space, knowledge (one way reaction)

Defy time, space, knowledge = Define God (equation)

Have you gotten your tix to Heaven?

Goodbyes suck

If life is not a circle,

can it be a expanding square?

Or is it a amoeba shaped entity?

Goodbyes suck and make you sick,

when there will be no more hi's

No more hellos to strangers,

and rehellos to familiars,

Just when you think life is unfair,

Reality strikes you,

Really hard on the back,

The dark side of you is always in light.

The bright side? 

Non existence.

When was the last time i did something nice?

I wont dare to,

What does it take to take?

Uncertainty is a phase,

Knowing is the pace;

Till you see the face,

The face which brings peace.

It requires you to give,

For all you can take,

As if a buffet,

where only hunger can be satisfied.

That something remains unknown,

if only Anon was someone i knew,

Why are butterflies prettier than moths?

and frogs more charming than toads?

and why steak than hawker beef satay?

why waffles than canai?

Coffee shop coffee than Starbucks

what's that extra something?

What's your extra something.

rest assured,

"Hey, don't worry

Its not about you, (nodding)

l.o.n.g.e.s.t    p.a.u.s.e.  i.n t.h.e.  e.n.t.i.r.e.  a.w.k.w.a.r.d.  s.i.l.e.n.c.e.  h.i.s.t.o.r.y.

monologue: it just happens that i have an issue with bimbotic people"

This came to me at the weirdest time,

don't ask me where.

and how something unpredictable can be so exciting.

of course it is, cos it sucks to be predictable,

My second name is fickle

I have this queer habit of changing my mind in piko seconds, 10 to the power of minus twelve seconds,

and definitely, my short team interest which can be like steaming xiaolongbao for one moment and freezing mango gelato the next.

being a jack of all trade is more fun than being a master of one.

but, it is definitely something worth noting to go in-depth rather than in-width.

t.i.m.e.

what's with believing?

and convincing?

what about deserving?

talk about the difference between intimidating and irritating,

and of course, imitating and aggravating,

and his cousin, annoying.

oh yeah, how can we miss "miss care"?

did i mention her first name is crap.

i sound cranky,

but that was so last season, i found it in the used clothes bazaar i went just now.

time will definitely heal and resolve everything, at least almost everything in this peanut world of monkeys.

oh, yeah i think life is about going to sleep, craving for tomorrow's breakfast.

Where would we be now? (GC,2008)

How would we know,

at least for sure?

Sure things happen for His reason,

but, but i think "but" is better spelled with an extra t,

butt. period.

It's not ironic how i run into you, so often.

It's just the rules of opposite attraction,

btw, boring is an adjective, not a reason for your weakness.

it rocks to be able to stone, concrete. just tar.

i've got troubled thoughts and self-esteem to match (FOB, 2008)

It takes courage to be selfish,

It takes compassion to be selfless,

It cost nothing to be nice,

Everything to be mean,

It doesn't pay to sympathise,

But it sure does to be pathetic

I hate it how i detest you,

Because its just the best way to treat you,

for being you to me,

Above all,

Thanks. from the bottom of my shallow heart.

Coping with chocked Coke

First, it was having trouble concentrating going up stairs

then it was green patches on faces, even my slippers,

and who moved my cheese? i meant, who moved the cheese rack?

Its not difficult, to stay insane,

more so, to keep ones sanity,

People who talks and smiles weird makes me uneasy,

a girl with 2 pigtails who smiled (crazily) when i was walking home on day,

then it was an ex-friend who tried to avoid me, by talking to herself,

ok, i thought that was not only cheesy, but creepy,

At least i wont be the one bringing chocolates and her cravings to visit her at the Mental Institute.

Life is about smelling flowers and using other routes to a destination,

its about finding joy in doing something mundane,

its about not getting sick from seeing the same person, hear the same joke, and accepting people's weird fetish and not be disgusted.

Its about ignoring little things that will make smiles fade,

Things that some choose to remain a mystery,

And most importantly, not exposing it, not when awkwardness will DEFINITELY come out and say hi,